Why is it when you spend £70 on taking 5 of your kids to the movies they decide that they want to spend most of the film going back and forth from the toilet.
To make matters worse my youngest fella, who was the keeper of the rucksack stuffed with the petrol station sweet and fizzy pop stash (I’m not paying cinema prices – I’d have to remortgage), managed to get it confiscated by a storm-trooper masquerading as a cinema usher.
What kind of hard hearted so and so takes sweets from a 9 year old?
Although he failed to find the packet of Haribo Special Mix I'd hidden down the back of my second youngests hoodie - small consolation I know .... but hey.
Not a good day.....
Friday, 24 September 2010
Wednesday, 8 September 2010
Pay and Display
It’s another day in paradise.
6:30 still at work - staying at Travelodge this week (high life again) and just remembered gotta get back before hotel parking pay and display runs out at 7:15 – I’m such a tight wad, should have got a 48 hour – the clampers will be out - £200 release fee – oh contraire.
6:40 at Tube station – oyster card won’t work - buckwheat at ticket office was about as useful as a bikini in a convent – had to top up again that’s 5 more squids I can ill afford
7:10 back at hotel – yeah get in!! made it with 5 mins to spare – straight to car park and move car across road out of car park. Pay and display charges for 24 hours (no smaller) and I’m checking out in the morning – they’re having no more of my money. I had a vision of those fat cat directors at NCP sunning themselves on the Cote D’Azur on the proceeds of reselling my parking space - the cheeky bleeders.
7:11 - oh sugar and friggin’ spice – left car keys in hotel room on 7th floor
7:12 get to lift – wait, wait, wait - lift finally arrives and it stops on every floor.. cmon, cmon - ding - 7th floor at last – get to door of room – oh you are taking the mickey – key card don’t work – tried it again and still the same little red light maliciously blinkin’ away at me– give me strength .
7:14 back in lift on way to reception and of course we stop on every floor – I close my eyes and all I see are big yellow clamps – clock ticking, clock ticking
7:16 finally get to reception and of course wouldn’t you know it there’s a big queue and only one member of staff... car will get clamped for sure....
I cast my eye over the non moving queue – two builder types of eastern European extraction (how many drives have you two badly tarmaced this week) – family with overweight child (give that kid a salad) – plumber guy with tools (too many tattoos mate) – Hispanic looking geezer wearing a strange hat and a spangly waistcoat (no more need be said) – come on, come on, clock tickin’
7:19 finally another member of staff arrives -“ next please” ---- its me, its me ----- “how can I help sir” – “key card don’t work “ blah blah blah...
7:21 key card now sorted - wait for lift, wait for lift, wait for lift – decide to take stairs – doors to stairwell locked ...sign on door proclaims ‘ONLY AVAILABLE IN EMERGENCY’ – welcome to the modern world
7:24 lift arrives - 5 mins later back outside room - place keycard in door and little light blinks green (crack open the bollinger) - back in room - drop off bag - wait for lift to get back down imagining my car now clamped or worse on back of tow truck ...... lift arrives ... now in car park --- huzzah, huzzah, car still there and no clamp in sight...
7:36 put key in the ignition and half expect it not to start – but thank the lord it splutters into life – I pull out of the car park as the NCP tow van pulls in – I give them a cheeky wave but don’t get one back.
Today is definitely a good day
(The above took place a couple of weeks before I wrote off my car)
6:30 still at work - staying at Travelodge this week (high life again) and just remembered gotta get back before hotel parking pay and display runs out at 7:15 – I’m such a tight wad, should have got a 48 hour – the clampers will be out - £200 release fee – oh contraire.
6:40 at Tube station – oyster card won’t work - buckwheat at ticket office was about as useful as a bikini in a convent – had to top up again that’s 5 more squids I can ill afford
7:10 back at hotel – yeah get in!! made it with 5 mins to spare – straight to car park and move car across road out of car park. Pay and display charges for 24 hours (no smaller) and I’m checking out in the morning – they’re having no more of my money. I had a vision of those fat cat directors at NCP sunning themselves on the Cote D’Azur on the proceeds of reselling my parking space - the cheeky bleeders.
7:11 - oh sugar and friggin’ spice – left car keys in hotel room on 7th floor
7:12 get to lift – wait, wait, wait - lift finally arrives and it stops on every floor.. cmon, cmon - ding - 7th floor at last – get to door of room – oh you are taking the mickey – key card don’t work – tried it again and still the same little red light maliciously blinkin’ away at me– give me strength .
7:14 back in lift on way to reception and of course we stop on every floor – I close my eyes and all I see are big yellow clamps – clock ticking, clock ticking
7:16 finally get to reception and of course wouldn’t you know it there’s a big queue and only one member of staff... car will get clamped for sure....
I cast my eye over the non moving queue – two builder types of eastern European extraction (how many drives have you two badly tarmaced this week) – family with overweight child (give that kid a salad) – plumber guy with tools (too many tattoos mate) – Hispanic looking geezer wearing a strange hat and a spangly waistcoat (no more need be said) – come on, come on, clock tickin’
7:19 finally another member of staff arrives -“ next please” ---- its me, its me ----- “how can I help sir” – “key card don’t work “ blah blah blah...
7:21 key card now sorted - wait for lift, wait for lift, wait for lift – decide to take stairs – doors to stairwell locked ...sign on door proclaims ‘ONLY AVAILABLE IN EMERGENCY’ – welcome to the modern world
7:24 lift arrives - 5 mins later back outside room - place keycard in door and little light blinks green (crack open the bollinger) - back in room - drop off bag - wait for lift to get back down imagining my car now clamped or worse on back of tow truck ...... lift arrives ... now in car park --- huzzah, huzzah, car still there and no clamp in sight...
7:36 put key in the ignition and half expect it not to start – but thank the lord it splutters into life – I pull out of the car park as the NCP tow van pulls in – I give them a cheeky wave but don’t get one back.
Today is definitely a good day
(The above took place a couple of weeks before I wrote off my car)
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
Irony on the M25
What a strange thing life is. It never fails to amaze me how its fickle hand can take you by the scruff of the neck and give you a good old yank just to let you know who’s in charge.
I’m currently working for a company in London but live about 100 miles away so I drive down and stay over (hotel living ... not good). Travelling along the infamous M25 and in stop start traffic I decided to hit the back bar of an articulated lorry. Stupidly I hadn’t quite worked out the stop start sequence thingy so he was stopping whilst I was most definitely starting - hence accident. Couldn’t tell the damage from where I sat but it didn’t look too bad as I could only see a small crease in the bonnet. There was no hard shoulder for me to pull over and look and there was no damage to the lorry. So I carried on with the intention of getting to the next services and having a look. The traffic began to speed up and all seemed well with the world. 5 miles to next services said the sign – easy make that thought I. 2 miles later the car said different. It was the burning I smelt first and then the smoke spewing from under the bonnet - time to pull over I thought. When I stopped, I got out of the car and had a look at the front. The lorries’ crash bar had gone right through the grill smashing the two head lights and taking the radiator right up into the engine for good measure. For the age of the car and the mileage there were only two words that came to mind -- ‘right off’.
I got back in the car, put my head in my hands and cursed all and sundry. At this point there was the familiar ding-ding of an incoming text message and the fickle hand of fate decided to ring my neck with a noose made of irony for this is what the message said – ‘Your xxxxcover.com car insurance has just been renewed for another year. Thank you so much for staying with us. The first premium will come out on etc.....‘.
I knew that if the car was a right off I would have money deducted for excess, and have to pay in full a whole years premiums after getting 3 hours use out of my insurance policy, and of course get a new motor.
Not a good day.
I’m currently working for a company in London but live about 100 miles away so I drive down and stay over (hotel living ... not good). Travelling along the infamous M25 and in stop start traffic I decided to hit the back bar of an articulated lorry. Stupidly I hadn’t quite worked out the stop start sequence thingy so he was stopping whilst I was most definitely starting - hence accident. Couldn’t tell the damage from where I sat but it didn’t look too bad as I could only see a small crease in the bonnet. There was no hard shoulder for me to pull over and look and there was no damage to the lorry. So I carried on with the intention of getting to the next services and having a look. The traffic began to speed up and all seemed well with the world. 5 miles to next services said the sign – easy make that thought I. 2 miles later the car said different. It was the burning I smelt first and then the smoke spewing from under the bonnet - time to pull over I thought. When I stopped, I got out of the car and had a look at the front. The lorries’ crash bar had gone right through the grill smashing the two head lights and taking the radiator right up into the engine for good measure. For the age of the car and the mileage there were only two words that came to mind -- ‘right off’.
I got back in the car, put my head in my hands and cursed all and sundry. At this point there was the familiar ding-ding of an incoming text message and the fickle hand of fate decided to ring my neck with a noose made of irony for this is what the message said – ‘Your xxxxcover.com car insurance has just been renewed for another year. Thank you so much for staying with us. The first premium will come out on etc.....‘.
I knew that if the car was a right off I would have money deducted for excess, and have to pay in full a whole years premiums after getting 3 hours use out of my insurance policy, and of course get a new motor.
Not a good day.
Sunday, 11 July 2010
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