Pay and Display

It’s another day in paradise.
6:30 still at work - staying at Travelodge this week (high life again) and just remembered gotta get back before hotel parking pay and display runs out at 7:15 – I’m such a tight wad, should have got a 48 hour – the clampers will be out - £200 release fee – oh contraire.
6:40 at Tube station – oyster card won’t work - buckwheat at ticket office was about as useful as a bikini in a convent – had to top up again that’s 5 more squids I can ill afford
7:10 back at hotel – yeah get in!! made it with 5 mins to spare – straight to car park and move car across road out of car park. Pay and display charges for 24 hours (no smaller) and I’m checking out in the morning – they’re having no more of my money. I had a vision of those fat cat directors at NCP sunning themselves on the Cote D’Azur on the proceeds of reselling my parking space - the cheeky bleeders.
7:11 - oh sugar and friggin’ spice – left car keys in hotel room on 7th floor
7:12 get to lift – wait, wait, wait - lift finally arrives and it stops on every floor.. cmon, cmon - ding - 7th floor at last – get to door of room – oh you are taking the mickey – key card don’t work – tried it again and still the same little red light maliciously blinkin’ away at me– give me strength .
7:14 back in lift on way to reception and of course we stop on every floor – I close my eyes and all I see are big yellow clamps – clock ticking, clock ticking
7:16 finally get to reception and of course wouldn’t you know it there’s a big queue and only one member of staff... car will get clamped for sure....
I cast my eye over the non moving queue – two builder types of eastern European extraction (how many drives have you two badly tarmaced this week) – family with overweight child (give that kid a salad) – plumber guy with tools (too many tattoos mate) – Hispanic looking geezer wearing a strange hat and a spangly waistcoat (no more need be said) – come on, come on, clock tickin’
7:19 finally another member of staff arrives -“ next please” ---- its me, its me ----- “how can I help sir” – “key card don’t work “ blah blah blah...
7:21 key card now sorted - wait for lift, wait for lift, wait for lift – decide to take stairs – doors to stairwell locked ...sign on door proclaims ‘ONLY AVAILABLE IN EMERGENCY’ – welcome to the modern world
7:24 lift arrives - 5 mins later back outside room - place keycard in door and little light blinks green (crack open the bollinger) - back in room - drop off bag - wait for lift to get back down imagining my car now clamped or worse on back of tow truck ...... lift arrives ... now in car park --- huzzah, huzzah, car still there and no clamp in sight...
7:36 put key in the ignition and half expect it not to start – but thank the lord it splutters into life – I pull out of the car park as the NCP tow van pulls in – I give them a cheeky wave but don’t get one back.
Today is definitely a good day
(The above took place a couple of weeks before I wrote off my car)